Now It's Coming

It's coming - hard, fast and enthusiastically
I feel it, welling up, demanding to escape like a pent up bull-rider
Intelligent words SCREAM to be freed of their confines
And laid to rest on patiently vacant paper
or at least dramatically expelled into the etheric digital world

I'll release those witty words soon enough
Time's ticking after all and the pressure's really on
I've been stewing these inspired verbo-concoctions for days
They're sure to find their way out any minute now
Hands poised above keyboard, tea at hand, animals fed

But wait ...

I'm hungry.
No, I'm achey
OK, actually I'm horny
How can I be expected to work like this?
I'll eat - no, I've just done that
I'll have a hot shower - no, I've done that too
I'll masturbate - ummm... I wouldn't admit to that here!

OK - I'll be able to think better if I vacuum the house.
Walk the dog.
Call a friend.
Check my horoscope.
Check my email (oh, done that already)
Post a poem about not writing
...(You are hereby found guilty of 'Blogitism': Blogging your life instead of living it)
Put on a CD.
OK - I'll put on a CD and that's it. After that, the buck stops here.
If I chant the mantra three times, it should work:
When I hear the Chieftans, I will be a creative genius
When I hear the Chieftans, I will be a creative genius
When I hear the Chieftans, I will be a creative genius.
I will write, and I will write until there is nothing left to say.
They will give me my graduate degree and I will attend the ceremony this time
And I will be promoted, make more than 100K, get the guy and have 2.5 kids.
On my mark,
Get set,
GO!!!!!!!!!

Allowing

I look carefully and I see wave-people dancing, swirling, and crashing into one another
Moving along in tandem and then parting, headed for different shores
Life, love, passion – it all moves with rhythm and the same unpredictable flow
I try to paddle, to steer, to move towards the ideal person, place or thing
But the currents tell me it’s best to relax into the natural ebb and flow,
To let life unfold… to breathe in all new places and experiences that come along

But men have built rudders and sails, compasses and engines!
We propel, we guide, we navigate!
We reach for dreams and destinations and overcome icebergs and other obstacles!

In my heart though, I know that there is a balance –
I can shove off in the right direction but then I need to let go...
To surrender, to allow, to be buoyed along by a higher flow
Because the thing is – this higher flow often takes me places I’d never dreamed of
And I've even discovered parts of myself I never knew existed

So just for today – one new day, I venture out
With a taste for adventure and a willingness to allow.

Sideways Flirting

I hug you happy birthday and your bristles scrape my cheek as I kiss you.

The sting lingers for 20 minutes and you smile at me warmly during the meeting… Hmmm…too bad you’re married.

I complement Tristan on his haircut – he really looks so handsome and the hint of silver left over his ears really is sexy. I burst out with “I love you” when I say goodnight. I mean it in the most wholesome way but nobody would believe me. I’m not even sure if I believe me. I fantasize about more but nothing will ever happen as he's leaving the country as soon as his time’s up and it would never work anyway- we're from different worlds.

Standing talking to someone and arms envelop me from behind. Now THAT’s a flirtation – I can feel the full length of his body against the back of my torso. Who’s this daring flirt? I turn and it’s Brian. Totally married. That was not only brazen but totally puzzling – I don’t even know you that well Brian. I’m going to assume that was innocent affection and leave it at that. I’m really not into married men despite my razor burned cheek…

My need to love and be loved comes out sideways. Indiscriminately, I am in love with everyone and it’s messy and confusing but maybe it’s just who I am. It’s bad right now – no sex for how long? Maybe a month (it wouldn’t seem so long if I hadn’t started sleeping with Drew again – but I’ve ended that). I love loving and being loved but I will refuse the temptation of any further stop-gap romance. My vibrator serves that need most adequately….

But everyone needs to feel loved, to feel sensual and passionate. And being sensual doesn’t always mean being sexual. I still manage to feel lost and alone though. I still manage to feel panicked that there’s nobody there for me. Sometimes I think “how can nobody see the absolute perfect beauty in my eyes? How did I get missed when guys were thinking about who they might like to take out to a movie this weekend? Don’t they know how fun I can be? Or what an amazing late night philosopher I am? Or what about my amazing oral-sensual-eroticdexterity?”
So I turn my love inward, I revel in the beauty and mystery of life. I love myself and nurture my soul like it were the last on earth. I handle with care and buy myself flowers and trust that love will come again – because it always does. This time I will be ready. I’ll have made peace with my fears, danced with my demons and left my sadness behind. I gaze up to see an amazing streaking meteor burning up and then exploding like a firework and think to myself, I will not fear love. I will open up fully this time – no holding back. I know I’m ready.

Kiss me like that

Do that again -
once more,
right here...

Gentle but sure lips brush mine
and move away again, teasing me, just out of reach
leaving me yearning,
leaning in with all that I am
for one more taste

I'm deprived of that sweet formation, wanting, left dang l i n g g g….

Sweet electric anticipation sends shimmer waves across my skin's surface

My lips blush and swell, earlobes pulse in heartbeat
stiff nipples cry out for warmth, contact and friction
labia swell in chorus, moist and slick

Those kinds of kisses can take me over the edge all on their own
...the rest is an afterthought

Kiss me like that and I’ll follow you anywhere
cause as far as I’m concerned,
its all in the kiss