Tatooed Dreams

Something small and beautiful has begun sprouting in the corners of my soul
Its sweet smelling and pure, like baby blue crocuses in the spring, surprising me with their keen arrival
I didn’t ask for these new feelings to show up – and they didn’t knock before coming
Yet I watch them infiltrate my inner sanctum with interest, curiosity and trepidation
Your face lingers in my thoughts, your strong hands ask to be touched, your smiling eyes melt me with their warmth
I flirt with the fantasy of being near you, allowing my hugs to linger and whispering secret longings into your ear
But I don’t dare – there’s far too much at stake, for you and your future – and for me and my fearful heart
Such a risk can’t be worth taking.
But what then can I do? Do I continue to pretend that I don’t wait expectantly for the times when I’ll see you again or that I’m not disappointed when you aren’t able to come?
Do I continue to act appropriately cordial and friendly?
Do I ignore the fact that I miss you the minute we part and that the feeling of emptiness echoes into the days that follow?
I wish I could beckon for you to meet me at the dock at midnight and spend the night under the stars
I wish I could talk to you about everything we’ve ever thought about
I wish our lives were different and that we had met each other in the supermarket or the bookstore
But your tattoos, like battle scars, tell a story of thick skin, hardened highways and broken dreams
I do see that you’ve changed and I see that you are on the brink of being birthed into a fresh new world, ready to set things right
I’m inspired by your earnest desire to be better, to succeed, and I’m touched by your humility and acceptance of reality’s hurdles
But bittersweet wisdom tells me that the timing and circumstance are off-kilter and that anything started now would be imbalanced and unfulfilling…
Yet I’m not giving up completely
Maybe some day, when things are different, you can call and ask me out to a movie or dinner – or for a midnight walk on a moonlit beach…
I’ll cook for you and we can wash dishes together and laugh about our flawed lives
This nurtured dream will keep - long enough for you to emerge from your cocoon, find your footing and lick your wounds
When you’re strong, steady and ready – I’ll meet you half-way, as equals and as true friends
We’ll let things unfold naturally and maybe we’ll find out for sure if this growing sense of promise can actually bear fruit that’s sweet and succulent