What My Mother Never Knew - Chapter 1

We were older than girls and younger than "young women". Fearless 10 year olds - trying to figure out where we fit in an exciting limitless world. We asked my mom what a BJ meant, knowing already but wanting her to say it. She didn't flinch until we asked her if she had ever given one... then she changed the subject.

Those days were crazy - hot games of truth or dare with long boy kisses under the covers (wasn't it supposed to feel - like, good or something??); choking back those first cigarettes in the storm drain under the highway; teasing a social misfit until she cried. I don't know how we decided what was appropriate and what was not. When I look back, there don't seem to be any clear boundaries. How on earth did Sue show me how she masturbated that first time? Who started that conversation? Did I initiate that first mutual bump and grind? We didn't even know what the word bisexual meant - we were just kids, testing the boundaries.

Sex quite quickly became a mutual interest. We found a box of old books: The Happy Hooker, Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, Fanny, The Surrogate Wife, Fear of Flying - we devoured them all. Suddenly, children of the sexual revolution, we embraced all realities as the norm. We never did figure out how someone could get a lightbulb in his rectum but we knew that if we could just grow up a little faster we would find out what it meant to find your G Spot. I mourn my lost childhood now when I look back. It seems that I was so quick to shed my innocence.